What I plan on doing in 2010

What I plan on doing in 2010
Welcome back, friends! How are you all doing? I'm actually very sick with a cold right now (I know...like you care) so I'm not as spry as I could be. Today was the first time I left my home in over 48 hours, and it was to get lemon-lime Gatorade, chocolate, Dirty D, and a scratch-and-win. I urge you to click that link; I re-read it and it made me laugh (but go ahead and ask my sister - I LOVE laughing at my own jokes). Anyways, sitting sick on the couch has given me time to think about things, and here are some things I really want to accomplish this year:

1. More Drawing
I think I may have mentioned before that I went to art school (which is to say that I wrote a cheque to art school for $20,000 and it didn't bounce). I used to draw a lot more than I do now, and I miss doing it. You know, maybe just do a few pastel watercolour cottages with strong Christian overtones.

2. Stand-up Comedy
ACK! I have been toying with this idea for months now, and it scares the shit out of me. Like, thinking of speaking on a stage has me literally crapping my pants. I mean, maybe soiling myself could be part of my schtick? Would that work? I could be That Girl with Terrible Jokes who Defecates on Stage. Really, it's the next logical step in my life.
Editor's Note: I think this may be the year I move away from so much poop-talk. Oh, who am I kidding...2010 will be the year of poop (I checked a Chinese calendar).

3. Buy a Butter Dish
That may have been the least-offensive thing ever written on The Skip-raid.

4. More Interviews
I haven't done a good interview in a while, and you know I love me some interviews. I think the first person I pursue like Pepé Le Pew will be The Comics Curmudgeon. Really, you should start reading it - much funnier than I.
Editor's Note: Are you seriously reading that Family Circus? How old is Billy, like 5? Why the hell does he have a blog? Isn't the Keane family super-Christian? All the super Christians I know would never let their kids dabble in anything as satanic as The Internet.

5. Stop Believing the Moon Landing Was a Fake
Did you feel that? It was the energy generated from 1000 eyes rolling. Look, I'm no Det. Munch from SVU - I don't believe ALL the crazy conspiracy theories I hear - but I have a very hard time believing the Apollo 11 wasn't faked. Sorry! There are just too many coincidences and questions, and I get this eerie feeling that Buzz Aldrin is going to let the cat out of the bag on his deathbed (then who will get the last laugh, hmm? Well...not me, per se. If anything that would be depressing and sad and many will probably chalk it up to the advances stages of dementia. So I guess finding out the Moon Landing was faked is like finding out about Santa Claus; you sort of know all along, but it doesn't feel good when you find out the truth. HOW DEEP DID I JUST GET?!?!?!)